plain_awkward (plain_awkward) wrote in egl,
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More brolita questions- is it okay to not look female?

Firstly, apologies that this is a long post. I just feel like there’s a lot that I need to establish.

Secondly, I’ve just got my first dress, and it feels wonderful to wear it. Thanks to everyone who offered advice, it was very useful and I couldn’t have done it without you all. I was worried that, after so much time building up the hype in my head, the anticipation would end up being better than the reality. This has thankfully turned out not to be the case- I’m certain that I enjoy the fashion, and it’s something I want to wear.

However, I’m having a bit of a dilemma with my attitudes towards being a brolita. One of the useful resources I found was James Chiong’s blog. In it is a post that compares how he progressed as a brolita, drawing attention to how he did not use makeup, a wig or stuffing (putting things down one’s shirt to simulate breasts) in his early days. These are presented as negative things, and yet I wasn’t intending to do any of them either.

Most of this is subjective. Wigs freak me out. My mother has a phobia of them, and it’s been somewhat passed down to me. I’ve never worn one, but there’s something about them that just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve only experienced using makeup once (my female housemates wondered what I’d look like in it, so I agreed to let them put it on me- partially to satisfy my own curiosity) and again, it just didn’t feel right. The only thing I can liken it to is face painting, and the pressure to not touch one’s face. It’s possible that the makeup they used on me was a lot heavier than what I’d use for sweet Lolita, so maybe it’d bother me less if I did makeup specifically for Lolita.

Stuffing is more of a philosophical matter. It feels like, by simulating breasts, I’m pretending to be something that I’m not- that I’m attempting to deceive people. The unease seems to be more of an ethical uncomfortableness, rather than just something I don’t enjoy. I must stress though that this is a personal standard- I’m not saying that any of these things are immoral, just that I don’t think they’re right for me.

I think I also worry that the more I attempt to look female, the more jarring (and creepy) the end result will be- almost like a sex-based version of the uncanny valley. I’ve seen some really impressive pictures of brolitas, but I’m almost certain that I’ll fall short, and end up looking worse than if I didn’t do anything at all.

Basically, it comes down to this: is it acceptable to have brolitas who, in essence, don’t pretend to be female- a middle ground between concealing masculine features (and generally caring about one’s appearance) and not attempting to accentuate or fake feminine traits? I appreciate the fashion has rules, so perhaps this is one of those things that really can’t be changed, and if so then I suppose I’ll just have to get used to it.

Any comments from either side are most welcome.
Tags: discussion: brolita
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