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Advice on Leaving Lolita 
20th-Feb-2013 04:45 pm
rewrite
Hi girls (and guys?),
I'm sure there are some threads about this already but we all know how well the livejournal search engine works and so far I haven't found the kind of advice I'm hoping for so please be kind.
I need some advice about leaving Lolita. I'm 19 now and I started getting into Lolita at about 15. I wore it occasionally until I was 17 and I have a nice little Wardrobe of mainly Angelic Pretty brand pieces. Being a student on a budget I appreciated every single item I bought and still love them. I used to spend hours on egl_sales hunting down my dream prints and hyperventilating once they arrived at my place. I haven't worn Lolita in more than 1.5 years though and I just don't see myself wearing it anymore. I still like the aesthetics but I don't get all excited about it anymore. I've been getting into 'regular' fashion and make-up and that's definitely what I see myself spending my money on in the future. So it's not really a question of leaving Lolita as in 'not wearing it anymore' because that's what I've been doing anyways. My problem is what to do with my wardrobe. All my Lolita clothes are very precious to me and I still love looking at them. It's just that they're completely useless to me, they're taking up lots of space and I could definitely use the money I could get by selling them otherwise. So, long story short, selling them would be the smartest option. I'm just afraid that I'll regret it, which is silly because I'm most likely not going to get back to Lolita Fashion (we are never ever ever ~ ... sorry ...  ). Also, I dread the moment I'm going to have to pack them up and say goodbye to them. I don't have any Lolita friends anymore whom I could sell them to, knowing they're still 'here'.
On the other hand, It's just so damn much money I could make by selling them ...
That's why I'm asking those of you who may have been in a similar situation (or those who haven't but still want to help) for advice. Alternatively, in the likely case that one exists, you could also give me a link to a similar thread ;)
Thanks for reading :)

edit: Thanks for all your sweet comments! I didn't expect so much feedback and found every single one helpful. Still haven't decided what to do though. I guess I'll start by selling the few items I don't love that much and then think about it again.
Comments 
20th-Feb-2013 03:58 pm (UTC)
I haven't been in a similar situation but I think you could try to use your lolita clothes in your 'regular' fashion outfits.
Because you have a lot of AP, they may be too hard to tone down, so you can sell some of these things and keep the others.
20th-Feb-2013 04:30 pm (UTC)
My wardrobe is pretty OTT, mostly prints and pink, so it's basically impossible to tone it down in a way that fits my current clothing style.
Thanks for your response :)
20th-Feb-2013 04:01 pm (UTC) - :)
Hello honey, Maybe you should keep a few of your favorite pieces and sell the rest,maybe in a few years you will be prepared to part with them too, and if not you have a few lovely pieces to start building up your collection again. And if you feel like it you can still put them on in private :) good luck with whatever you do :)
20th-Feb-2013 04:41 pm (UTC)
Well, I don't really have a lot of Lolita clothes so something like 90% of my wardrobe are my favorite pieces ;) That's why I was thinking that if I decided to sell them at all, I could as well sell all of them. Since that's what most of you suggest, maybe I'll just start off selling the few pieces I'm not attached to and see what happens ...
Thanks for your response :)
20th-Feb-2013 04:02 pm (UTC)
My advice is to not get rid of everything all at once. Go through your closet and try to make an outfit or two with each thing you are considering selling. If you can work it into your daily style, then I say keep that. If there is something that you put on and you would be embarrassed to leave the house in it, you see yourself never wearing it again, then by all means sell.

It's possible to go through phases especially at your age (hell I'm 26 and I still definitely go through "phases"), you may find yourself wanting to wear it again. Then again you may never look back at lolita again. I say take your time, if you decide to sell, don't be in a rush just to get a buck, hold out for the price you are willing to part with the dress forever, that way even if you end up regretting losing the piece you won't also feel like you cheated yourself out of it's value.
20th-Feb-2013 04:51 pm (UTC)
Yep, one of my major concerns actually is that this may be just a phase and I will end up regretting to have sold them ...
Because of my Lolita pieces being mainly AP prints and overall quite OTT I don't see any way of including them in my 'normal' clothing style. So it's either full out sweet Lolita or no Lolita at all.
Thanks for your advice! :)
20th-Feb-2013 08:35 pm (UTC)
I think it is actually easier than you may think to incorporate lolita into your day-to-day attire :) I'm also a sweet lolita and a majority of my items are sweet prints in pale colors, but I wear them on practically a daily basis. You can tone them down using things like simple shoes, plain tights, and simple blouses and cardigans.
20th-Feb-2013 04:05 pm (UTC)
I would also recommend to sell 1 item at the time...
so, that you can take your time and, if you feel regret right after that first sell you can just stop immediatly
20th-Feb-2013 04:33 pm (UTC)
That sounds like good advice, I was planning on selling them all at once if I decided to sell them at all. Thanks for your response!
20th-Feb-2013 04:08 pm (UTC)
my feeling is that you're still not 'over' lolita. When I no longer care about something the thought of selling it and getting money for something I really want is the first thing I would do.

I'd say maybe try wearing the dresses once or twice more to see if you really do want them to go and you no longer have that attached feeling. Maybe take some very detailed photos of you wearing them and the dresses themselves before you sell. Make a kind of scrap book maybe.
20th-Feb-2013 04:56 pm (UTC)
I guess you have a point there ... I just don't see myself ever returning to wearing Lolita though, even if I'm still emotionally attached to my favorite pieces ...
The scrap book idea sounds great tough! I think if I end up selling them this will be a sweet way to remember them :)
Thanks for your response!
20th-Feb-2013 04:27 pm (UTC)
I agree with the above comments. I've been through a sort of similar thing, I think - it sounds like you're starting to 'grow out of' Lolita, so how about choosing a couple of pieces you don't mind parting with, rather than the ones you really love, first to get rid of? With AP it is harder to tone down but you could see if there's some pieces that you could incorporate into your everyday style, or if there are a couple of dresses you could keep and wear in a co-ordinate that isn't necessarily all-out lolita (such as otome kei, etc), that's what I did with my red Melody Doll dress. Conversely, if you still love the aesthetic of lolita, have you looked at the more mature or 'toned down' brands? I know of a few lolitas who started out with Angelic Pretty and moved onto other brands, either to wear as lolita co-ordinates or more 'regular' co-ordinates with brands such as ETC and others.

If you're having doubts to the degree you're asking for advice, I really don't recommend that you just sell them all at once - it sounds like you'd regret it. So, take things slow. There's no rush to sell: lolita is still popular and there'll still be someone willing to buy a few months down the line. Give yourself time to think over whether you're ready to do it now. You can decide to sell stuff later but once it's gone, it's hard to get it back. Saying that though, don't agonise over it! I hope you figure it out ♥
20th-Feb-2013 05:42 pm (UTC)
Just sell things slowly. This same thing happened to me, but I did eventually get back into it. When I did, I was really glad I kept my hard-to-find and beloved pieces. but even when I thought I would never do it again, I still liked looking at them. so they had value to me as collectibles even when I wasn't planning on wearing them. it seems a bit less wasteful if you think about it like that. and the things I sold first, that I was less in love with or were just less practical, I don't really regret selling even now.
21st-Feb-2013 04:34 am (UTC)
same here :) I thought I would leave lolita so I sold a lot of the items I wasn't really attached to but I kept my most beloved pieces. Then I got back into lolita and I'm glad I have those lovely "vintage" things :)
20th-Feb-2013 06:00 pm (UTC)
Perhaps see if someone is willing to trade with you? Maybe you're just growing out of sweet and something more toned-down would work better with your current closet?
20th-Feb-2013 07:15 pm (UTC)
If you're feeling doubt before selling anything I think that's a good indicator you'll feel regret when they are sold. I would get everything professionally cleaned and put into storage in your home so they're out of sight. If you can live without seeing them for six months to a year you'll probably feel more decided on selling later.
21st-Feb-2013 02:29 am (UTC)
I agree with this - I get really attached to all my clothing (not just lolita), so this is what I do so I don't end up drowning in a pile of clothes.
I pack away some things in storage, and if I don't think about them for 6 months, then I get rid of them. (and 99% of the time, I don't think about them)
20th-Feb-2013 07:16 pm (UTC)
You can try selling the stuff you are absolutely sure you won't wear/don't like anymore, then wait some time, go through it again and sell some more, and repeat the cycle. Eventually there might come a time when you realize all of them should go, and you're ready to get rid of all of these clothes. Maybe all you need is time to be sure of your decision. The small steps are important so you can get used to letting go of things you don't need anymore, but are emotionally attached to.
This worked for me from getting rid of childhood drawings to cutting my hair, I hope you find something that works for you too!
20th-Feb-2013 07:20 pm (UTC)
Maybe you should keep the one that you absolutely love (favorites) and see how you feel about them but sell off all the other ones. I think even if you do prize all those dresses you would be much happier getting some money to spend on what you want now. Especially since you think you won't be wanting to get back into lolita. If you keep the dresses you love for now you won't feel much regret later on once you're happy with all the new clothes you're going to buy.
20th-Feb-2013 07:22 pm (UTC)
I am thinking of leaving and selling my dresses as well... Most of my closet is also AP. some of the dresses could be worn casually (Sheep Garden, Wonder Story) but some really cannot (Chess Chocolate OP) so I know what you mean.

I am not sure whether I want to sell or not... I would say, if you are in my situation, don't sell unless you 100% want to. Just keep the dresses around for a bit longer.</p>

I would take photos of everything so I wont miss looking at the dresses (or look at photos of yourself wearing them)

Another thing stopping me from selling is that I'll never get back what I originally paid

If you don't mind that then.. Think about it some more ^^

21st-Feb-2013 10:08 am (UTC)
Well I guess there are some items that could be worn in a more casual sweet style but even that is too much for me right now. I just don't want to wear them (and haven't been for more than a year) at all right now.
Another 'problem' for me is that I could definitely get as much as I paid for at least for my dresses so it's incredibly tempting simply because of the money ...
Thanks for your response, I hope you can find a good solution too :)
20th-Feb-2013 07:43 pm (UTC)
I went down this same path back in '07- was in it from '02/3ish to '07 then came back end of '10.

Honestly, last time I just sold everything, even though it hurt to get rid of a few things. The only thing I really regret selling was my first big Usakumya though, but only because it had sentimental value, and that is irreplaceable anyway. Nothing I wore back then would have suited my new lolita tastes, so I have no reason to give it a second thought. What was sold can always be found again, which is the awesome part about this hobby, it just requires a certain degree of patience.

If you'd rather have the money to start trying something else full-on, by all means, sell it all- if you want to get back into it one day like I did, you can always make a fresh start. You might keep the petticoats hah but that's all I kept ^^;;

This is just the perspective of someone that can't stand having extra stuff around that I can't or won't wear! It would have been a mental burden to think about it in there, unloved and unworn too. I loved lolita the entire time I was out of it, and that's part of why I got back into it (I still checked the AP website from time to time over the years I was out) but being detached from it completely for a while actually made me appreciate the hobby more in the end.

Whatever you decide on, good luck! :)
20th-Feb-2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
I'm not in the same boat, but I started thinking about this way for another hobby ( BJD ) and as for Lolita, I wear regular clothing more than Lolita.

Like many users suggested, I don't think you should sell all your items at once , I know it's tempting but you might regret it, you should take the time to look at your pieces, wear them, and see what happens.

I started selling some of my BJD items, and it took me a long time to figure out which items I liked less, or I didn't need as much.

Perhaps browse around to see how much X Piece is currently worth, see if anyone is interested etc.

I mean, I have an AP print, I wore it only once ( Jewelry Jelly in Lavender ), It's taking up space, but Id never sell it unless I can trade it with another piece, maybe you can hang on to some and see if people are willing to trade it with something more toned down?
20th-Feb-2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
Unless you need the money, perhaps wait a little while. I sold my entire wardrobe, bar two dresses I loved, and I regretted it a lot. I'm very grateful that I kept my favourite print of all time, as it had a lot of happy memories attached and summed up everything I liked about the fashion. In theory, this would have been a happy ending but then...

...I got back into lolita. And I really regret getting rid of absolutely everything..! It's been hard building my wardrobe back up and a pain in particular having to rebuy staple items like petticoats, shoes, etc, and I'm still not quite happy with my wardrobe even though I wear lolita a lot..! However, the new pieces I've bought are a lot more wearable, and I wear things in a very different way. Less poofy hair, tights instead of socks, lots of cardigans. So just wait a while to sell and if you still think it's the right option, then do it!!!- I sold my clothes much too prematurely. I'd say if you're still checking lolita communties etc, leave it a while to make sure you make the right decision for you..!
20th-Feb-2013 08:51 pm (UTC)
same boat--didn't want to part with my brand but recently I really got into Liz Lisa and floral prints in general (I guess that boots x dress or skirt look) and I've been buying items like that, so parting with the brand became easier because I had something specific I wanted instead. So maybe you can find something you really want instead and that'll help motivate you :)
20th-Feb-2013 11:04 pm (UTC)
That is quite a predicament! I've also wondered what I would do with my wardrobe when lolita is no longer for me, and I came to the conclusion that photos would serve me well.

Maybe plan a bunch of photoshoots in your dresses so you can remember how they looked on you, or just take photo/video of the dresses themselves to capture all the details! I also find when faced with a tough decision like this that a coin flip really helps. It's not so much what it lands on that matters, but how you feel about what it lands on. If the coin tells you to sell your lolita and you feel relief, then maybe it's the right thing to do. If not, then maybe you should hold on to it a little while longer, or like other users said, sell piece by piece.
20th-Feb-2013 11:11 pm (UTC)
My advice would be being brutal with your sales list criteria for things other than dresses. First go through all the items that are not your "dream dress" items and getting rid of them, then items in your not-so-favourite colours, items that you don't quite fit well, and so on. I would get rid of all lolita-specific items that you won't wear outside of lolita like certain coats, capelets, blouses, cutsews, bags and patterned socks that don't match a series you own and so on. IMO shoes are not even worth the postage to ship them out, especially if used, you might find better luck in your local lolita comm.
21st-Feb-2013 12:33 am (UTC)
I went through a phase where I looked at my lolita closet and I didn't feel that flutter in my heart that I used to. For months I contemplated on selling most of my closet and just giving up the style. I sold a few pieces I knew I wouldn't miss terribly, but kept the basics just in case it was a phase.

Then I looked through all the photos I've saved and realized I was starting to like a different style of lolita and some of my closet just didn't fit the look I liked. So I made an outfit with the new style I liked and I fell back in love.

Really sit down and think about what you really love about the style. If you can't find a good reason in your heart, maybe you've just moved onto a new style. Keep one or two pieces you really love and sell one or two pieces you can part with.
21st-Feb-2013 07:06 am (UTC)
I would say wait for a while before you sell, but you say it's been 1.5 years since you've worn lolita. So maybe make 1 or 2 full outfits, accessories and all, and keep those. Then just sell the rest. If you ever want to get back into lolita you can buy new clothes. There will be new and exciting clothes for you to get even if you can't find the ones you sold.
I've had phases where I didn't wear lolita for a long time, but they never lasted quite that long. And I feel like even if I stop wearing lolita that I'll still want an outfit or 2 I can put on when I feel like it.
21st-Feb-2013 10:08 am (UTC)
I'm in the same situation as you are now, except I still wear lolita from time to time (maybe once in a month, or so), but I don't get the same feeling from it as it used to be. And looking at my perfect wardrobe, I feel like it would be such a waste to sell my clothes, since it took me so much time and energy to collect them and the rest of the accessories I have.

What I would suggest is what my boyfriend told me: money is replacable, most of your stuff isn't. If you sell them, any time if you'll feel your regret later, you can't buy back the same items in the same condition. You can go to work, and when you'll be 25 or 30, the value of your lolita dresses won't change (hopefully) your financial situation. But when you'll have kids and your teenage girl will look into your wardrobe, she'd love to see your AP dresses. She even wants to borrow them maybe :) Lolita was a part of your life, about 25% of it, so it's up to you if you want to move forward by selling them, or keeping them as a treasure :)
21st-Feb-2013 03:18 pm (UTC)
It's funny that you bring up the daughter part because my grandma always tells me about the pretty dresses she used to wear as a teenager and I'm a bit mad at her for not having kept them :D
I guess you're right that they're worth more than money, ideologically speaking, but still, as a 19-year-old I find money quite appealing as well :D Not an easy decision ...
Thanks for your response :)
21st-Feb-2013 10:33 pm (UTC)
i don't know what type of the regular fashion you like or wear but i really support the trying-to-tone-down your lolita outfits into daily wear. here's an idea perhaps?
i think the most important thing to remember is to not have any regrets with whatever decision you decide to make.

Edited at 2013-02-21 10:33 pm (UTC)
3rd-Mar-2013 05:35 am (UTC)
I went through the same thing over basically the same timeline. I love the aesthetics of Lolita, and I always see dresses I'd love to own, but now that I'm in a tighter financial situation than I used to be with less free time to dress up elaborately in delicate clothes, I just don't see myself tangibly wearing Lolita any time soon. I've been selling my dresses to pay for other more economical and wearable clothes lately. The reason I don't stress out about it much is that it's not like Lolita is going to dissapear. For the time frame that I'll still be interested in wearing it, the sales comm probably won't go away. If I'm ever in a position where I have a disposable income, I can always start building up my wardrobe again, and so could you.
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