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Loving (ott) sweet lolita, but not feeling confident in it 
17th-Jan-2013 11:59 am
Hi!
I just love the style of OTT sweet Lolita, but I can't help feeling too old for it (even though looking childish is part of the style, no matter your age). I personally think it looks good on me and suits me, but still, I can't help feeling like an adult dressing up as a kid! It's such a shame because I think it's such a pretty style. I've tried adding more mature things such as plain cardigans, pearls, tights and heels, but it didn't help. I guess childish prints just aren't for me. Are there others that feel this way?
Thanks a lot in advance if you reply.
Comments 
17th-Jan-2013 11:20 am (UTC)
I cater to classic lolita because it doesnt bother me as much as sweet does
when it comes to feeling 'childish' in it
OTT lolita enhances the childish look so its natural that OTT is more likely to make
you feel 'childish'
personally, i feel that majority of angelic prettys prints are too kid-like for my taste
and i feel weirded out in public because it does make me feel like ''jailbait''
to me, everyday sweet lolita is best toned down. however, for special events OTT is fine.
the print does matter. if the print is way too 'childish' even toning it down with a plain cardigan,
pearls, tights and heels still dont take away that 'childish' look, IMO.
i dont know what to say, i would just advise you to stay clear from certain prints that are too child-like
i know i didnt really answer your question or help in any way, but no, youre not alone feeling weird/not confident in it ^^;

also, the type of cut counts too. high waist obviously is going to make you look like a overgrown baby ....
i would stay clear away from high waisted JSKs

Edited at 2013-01-17 11:22 am (UTC)
17th-Jan-2013 11:23 am (UTC)
Thanks! I really appreciate your reply because it's always nice to know you're not alone with something.
17th-Jan-2013 11:27 am (UTC)
i think in numbers dressing OTT sweet is okay
i mean, i gain confidence being with other lolitas
being by myself easily makes me nervous

maybe try establishing dates with your lolita friends to all
dress in OTT, you might feel more confident/comfortable then?
17th-Jan-2013 11:32 am (UTC)
thanks for the advice and you are right, but yeah I think it's weird to need other people to dress a certain style XD I believe confidence should come from within, not from others
19th-Jan-2013 02:06 am (UTC)
Unrelated but your icon is really lovely.
19th-Jan-2013 12:12 pm (UTC)
thank you :)
yours is just as lovely
17th-Jan-2013 11:30 am (UTC)
A busy print alone isn't what makes OTT sweet, all the wigs and accessories are, in my opinion. So I'm assuming you just mean sweet with prints?

I think it can look more mature in darker colourways, and BTSSB generally looks less childish than AP. Coording with black instead of white helps too. I've had the same doubts about sweet (especially since I still get mistaken for a child often based solely on my height), but doing the things you mentioned definitely helped me. Have you tried making it more casual? I feel most comfortable when I've just got my hair down with a little plain bow, and comfy boots. It's also a good way of mixing your non-lolita clothes into your outfits, which may help.

However if you're still feeling the same as you do now, I don't think that necessarily means you should quit - it's mostly about confidence and trying not to worry what other people may think, especially since you yourself say that it suits you. But then again, if you'd feel happier wearing something else, you should just keep trying things until you are happy with your style.

Edited at 2013-01-17 11:33 am (UTC)
17th-Jan-2013 11:41 am (UTC)
Thanks for the comment ^_^
Well, I think accessoires are needed to make an outfit look 'complete', regardless the style, I just am not a type for wigs. But I think some prints can be OTT in themselves (for example, AP's toy fantasy is ott sweet to me while Btssb karami jsk is more regular sweet). But that's my opinion, I guess I meant just regular sweet.
I'm glad my suggestions helped you somewhat.
I like darker sweet prints too, but I prefer the pastel ones so that doesn't help me either XD
Coincidentally I've tried casual sweet lolita today, I even wore regular non-matching tights and heels, I thought it looked good but I still felt uncomfortable >_>
Maybe you are right about the confidence thing, I think if you are happy about your personality you also dare to be yourself more with clothes.
17th-Jan-2013 12:58 pm (UTC)
It depends on the print. I used to own Sugary Carnival and I had to sell it on because I felt I was wearing a childs dress even though it fit me and it looked nice on. But I feel super confident in Milky Planet, which makes no sense! So I don't think you have to completely give up on sweet lolita, just find prints that you're more suited too and feel comfortable in, and if something makes you feel uncomfortable sell it on straight away, because even if you love it there's no point in owning it.

Also it might be just that it's so different to what you normally wear? If this is the case, perhaps try getting some simple muted sweet dresses from a brand like BTSSB or Innocent World and use those to get used to seeing yourself in sweet clothes to gradually build up your confidence more.
17th-Jan-2013 01:40 pm (UTC)
Were the colors of the Milky planet and Sugary carnival dress the same?
It is indeed strange because they are both so over the top XD but I'm happy for you that you can enjoy your Milky planet.
Thanks for the advice! Yeah, I'm moving towards classic too.
17th-Jan-2013 03:38 pm (UTC)
When I started Lolita, I was all over the OTT sweet.. But never worn it. Pastel colors does simply not suit me.

Now I wear the super cute sweet prints, but only in dark colorways(brown, black, navy, wine). I wear them with classic blouses,cardigans, leggings and boots.
This way im very mature/classic , but still sweet :)
17th-Jan-2013 04:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's a cool idea too. Which dresses do you have? Or are you going to do a wardrobe post? I'm really interested.

It also struck me: I have no wigs. So I finally overcame my fear of looking too costumey and ordered one. I am sure I would feel more comfortable with a wig! After all, you are less recognizeable and look more like a doll than a child if you're wearing a wig, in my opinion. So I'm curious if that would change something too ♥_♥
17th-Jan-2013 04:41 pm (UTC)
:) I'm dutch too , do you have FB?

I have mostly AP dresses and 1 BTSSB dress. All are Sweet Om Nom prints :)

If you have FB we can talk there
17th-Jan-2013 06:35 pm (UTC)
I feel exactly the same too... I do love some of AP's food prints but I cannot bear to wear the prints in public... I have decided to only buy things that I will dare to wear in public and usually wear casual tops or otome style with lolita skirts so as to look toned down, or a frilly brand blouse with trousers and jacket. This also means that I wear simple tights and no pettis, no wigs, no eye-catching accessories like headbows. You may say that that is no longer lolita, but that's the only way I feel comfortable using my lolita clothing more often. But I went in full lolita gear to Hyper Japan, and I think I would feel ok too at meetups!
17th-Jan-2013 10:01 pm (UTC)
Thats a good solution. Although food prints are already more toned down than for example ponies in my opinion! I wouldn't hesitate to wear food prints! But I agree that it helps a lot if you're not wearing a super poofy petticoat.
17th-Jan-2013 07:36 pm (UTC)
I feel the same way, but I can't help but always reverting back to sweet.
Usually I go for bittersweet, black and reds.

I think it's the pastel colors that make me feel dumb in it.
If I mix it with black and throw on cardigans to make it more mature, I feel so much better.

huge difference, at least for me. c;
but your def not alone.
17th-Jan-2013 08:36 pm (UTC)
Honestly? Wear it anyway. I do not suit sweet lolita but i love playing around with it so i end up using it from time to time and i feel odd in it too (i'm 29 years old so i probably am too old for it?).
Just wear what makes you happy, that's my advice.
17th-Jan-2013 08:56 pm (UTC)
Shhh no you are not too old. :)
17th-Jan-2013 09:53 pm (UTC)
I don't think anyone can be too old for lolita, after all it's an alternative style and some people still look good in for example gothic in their forties, it's just that I feel too old for it myself. But thats just a feeling and I think it's because I also have some negative childish personality traits like still living at home at age 23 and I don't want people to think I'm even more childish (or something).
Two girls from my local community are around 28/29 too I believe and they rock sweet lolita, but they just have more self confidence. I think that's essential. I need to work on my self confidence too!

Edited at 2013-01-17 09:55 pm (UTC)
17th-Jan-2013 09:58 pm (UTC)
aww i see... well it is just a matter of confidence indeed. I hope you finally find a way to enjoy your favorite style without feeling too odd in it. <3
17th-Jan-2013 08:55 pm (UTC)
I'd usually say wear what you want but since you're registering discomfort there are ways to minimize that while still wearing a style you love.

Find prints that suit your comfort level. I never thought I would be an AP fan but skirts and dresses have been creeping steadily into my closet. Some of the prints themselves are more elegant than cutesy (Rose Toilette), some of the cuts are more retro than babyish (Fantasic Dolly OP), and some of the colorways are more mature (avoid pinks, seek out jewel tones, blacks, and cream x brown combinations.)

It sounds like you've tried some coordination ideas to age up an outfit and you're off to a great start. Last Friday I wore Wonder Party in black to work (my team decided we wanted to dress up. Since I'm already dressed pretty well I was asked to wear one of my "crazy dresses") with a blazer. I was ready for a corporate tea party with a pair of heels. Skirts are also to wear I've found since you can wear eminently normal tops with them. Vests also dress up an outfit without adding too much extra frill.

If you wear wigs stay away from the huge pigtails and unnatural colors. All of my wigs (that I've kept) are brown like my hair and when my friends see me in them they assume I spent some time on my hair for once (I wear low pigtails almost every other day of the year.)

If you want post some pictures of items you have that you feel are too childish and maybe we can help you with some ideas to dress them up. :)
17th-Jan-2013 10:08 pm (UTC)
thanks for the advice! I can imagine Wonder party work in black because tea cups aren't neccessary childish, so it's a versatile print.
Thanks for the coordination idea offer :) But I (luckily) do not have many super sweet clothes, one garment in question that I just don't know how to wear is Squirrel party in mint from Bodyline. But now I decided that I could as well not try to tone it down at all and just add an extra poofy petticoat, wig and accessoiries and looking childish and don't give a damn lol.
18th-Jan-2013 03:33 am (UTC)
Honestly, if you really like the style you shouldn't care if you look too childish in it. :)
I absolutely adore OTT! (I tend to overdo it with Gothic and regular Sweet... so it's a great style for me. XD)

But, I suppose if you want to make it look mature, you could go for an AP print dress with a brown colorway, brown tea parties, maybe a cream chiffon blouse with a high neck and long sleeves, print socks, and still go over the top with accessories! Granted they probably wouldn't be able to be pastel stuff anymore, it would have to be stuff that's in the print, or things that picked up colors in the dress, I guess. n__n
18th-Jan-2013 12:58 pm (UTC)
Haha, actually sort of contrary to what some people said, if you feel uncomfortable in it and think it does a disservice to you in some way, there's no reason you have to wear it. OTT is just one of a ton of Lolita styles (or you're talking about cluttered pastel cutesy prints? I saw a comment where you said that??), it's not like it's your only option. It's perfectly fine to like, or even love a style without wearing it. I went through a phase where I thought I had to be able to wear everything I loved and when that phase was over I just realized I wasted a bunch of money on stuff I only liked to look at, not to actually wear. How much you really like something doesn't always have to do with how ready and willing you are to feel awkward in public for the sake of it!

If you cant "grown up it up" with cardigans and tights and heels, there's really little else I can think of doing with prints like that (again, assuming that's what you meant!), maybe just limiting the print to a skirt and wearing a more grown up looking high-collar or square-neck blouse in addition to cardigans, etc? If you feel like you absolutely must, but don't normally feel comfortable in it, just keep the one outfit around and reserve wearing it to Lolita events, at least I've always found that anything I feel a bit awkward wearing on a regular basis, I feel more comfortable in when there are other Lolitas around and also dressed up.

Edited at 2013-01-18 12:59 pm (UTC)
18th-Jan-2013 01:57 pm (UTC)
I still have a young face a lot of people think I am still in Highschool so I can get away with a lot of sweet prints, but I am in college so there are things I'd feel foolish in.
Do you like the skirts more than the OP, or JSK. I have a lot of skirts because I find them to be very versatile pieces. They can be dressed up or down and don't have to be worn with a frilly little girl blouse. I think food prints are okay, but I'd avoid ones that tell stories like "Honey Cake". My favorite is AP's strawberry skirt. It's a super sweet print, but it can be worn OTT sweet or casual which is what I really love. It doesn't tell a story either, it's just strawberries. Animal prints like Vanilla-chan are super cute, but have characters you might find in a child's book. I'd avoid those also. I have very few animal prints in my closet because I could not bring myself to wear bears to college. I usually save those for conventions and events.

Other advice when looking for pieces: Darker colorways are the best. I am really interested in navy pieces because sax doesn't really look good on me, Avoid OTT blouses Instead try pairing a sweet skirt with a mature top (it doesn't even have to be a brand). If you aren't going to be around other Lolitas avoid big bows, A headband, beret, or smaller side bow is best.Lastly stay with tights! Nothing says childlike like a skirt with knee socks. I save mine for conventions where it is more okay, but if I really just want to wear Lolita on a casual day or date with my bf I'll go with tights.

I hope that helps!
19th-Jan-2013 08:35 pm (UTC)
IMO, it's just clothes and there is no age limit on it. Personally, OTT Sweet is one of my favorite styles of Lolita and I never really worried about being too old for it. Don't let age stop you from doing what you want, you'll only make yourself sad that way. :)
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