The EGL Community
For Gothic & Lolita Fashion. Hosted by LiveJournal.
Lolita Around Family? 
11th-Nov-2012 06:55 pm

I had always longed to be a lolita since I first saw it years ago, and now my mom is finally letting me go after that dream. I have some dresses I am waiting on which I'm super pumped to get! I was planning on wearing one for Christmas for the first time around my family, but then I began thinking of how my family would react. They are the kind who would look down on someone who dyes their hair pink, or dresses outside of what people would consider "normal." Before I had worn some things that were not "normal", and had gotten a comment from my aunt saying I looked kind of like a whore. When I took it off everyone seemed to talk to me more. Some even said "Finally, there's our girl!!" > < I'm not necissarily scared of other people laughing at me for what I love, but when it comes to my family I'm terrified of being judged. I really don't want them to laugh at me in a mean way or look down on me, which I feel some would do, but I don't want to hide the things I love from them. I don't know if I should dress in lolita because that's what I love, or if I should keep it away from them.

I was wondering if someone could give me some advice as to what I should do.

Thank you! > <
12th-Nov-2012 01:03 am (UTC)
what kind of dresses you are buying? It would be helpful to know. I think with that we can better tailor the advice. If you're getting classic dresses then well it would match getting dresses up for the holiday, while if you get an over the top printed candy sweet prints, than I'd say your family will probably have a few strange looks and words to give you.
12th-Nov-2012 01:14 am (UTC)
I ordered the Chess Story Sweet Chocolate OP from Qutieland. Though it's not exactly Christmassy colors, I thought it would work out. (The other one I got isn't holiday ish at all.) And I am considering putting in an order for an Annhousefashion skirt model 013-1188 with a white blouse or the Bodyline dress L390.
12th-Nov-2012 01:24 am (UTC)
hmm the Chess story dress probably won't make it in time if you just ordered it. (I'm saying this because your post makes it seem like you ordered it recently) It says it takes 40 business days. So wearing it on Christmas might not be something you'd have to worry about...
12th-Nov-2012 01:48 am (UTC)
Oh! I had ordered it way back in September.
12th-Nov-2012 01:56 am (UTC)
oh good! I was worried I was deliver some bad news for you. I'd say the suggestions below are wonderful options. I might add to wear a cardigan or a shawl that way you can cover more up if you feel uncomfortable. My family was fine with whatever I wanted to wear as long as I was "covered-up" so lolita was perfect for that. So maybe point out how modest it is compared to other fashion out there. Maybe try more solid colored options around them and leave the more 'out there' stuff to when you're with friends.
12th-Nov-2012 02:26 am (UTC)
Yeah.. I think I might go with the Annahouse skirt since it isn't patterny. Do you know how fast it takes for them to deliver?
12th-Nov-2012 02:29 am (UTC)
sorry I never bought from them. Maybe try BL their shipping is rather fast.
12th-Nov-2012 02:36 am (UTC)
Oh okay. Thank you very much! ^-^
12th-Nov-2012 03:08 am (UTC)
honestly I think a subdued unpatterned skirt would be better than the chess story. that's just very sweet and chocolately. if it was the 'history of chess' in red it might be easier to pull off but oh well.

Anna House has great quality, I'm not sure about their shipping times this time of year though. They custom make pretty much everything so you have making time then shipment time. you could get it by xmas but you could only be sure if you shelled out for the fastest shipping.

Bodyline is a great option (fast, and cheap) if you order by monday night. They ship tuesday which is like around midnight monday for me, lol, so i've literally shopped and paid a monday night and gotten the shipping notification in 4 hours. however if you place after tuesday, they won't ship for up to 6 days, so i'd not bother placing order except sat-sun-mon.
it's also pretty fast (it's airmail and they are still doing it for flat $10 atm) and the longest it's taken for me is 1.5 weeks (generally its about 1 week).

here are some things I can think of that might be nice
in white, or black if you want to be that subdued. white gives a nice snowy christmasy feel I think, and a faux fur shrug would be nice.
I think boleros, shrugs, and cardigans are GREAT for your first time with people because they are a modest, reasonably simple thing on TOP of say the adorable lace and bows WE enjoy but they just say WTF to. Oops this was a list d'oh!
this is nice and simple and has muted colors :>
this one is riskier but in blue i think it could be done up right it looke rather wintery
this would work very classic
dress version of my first one lol
this in white but with a covering of some sort (bolero, jacket, shrug etc)
PICK THIS ONE PLS PLS PLS srsly this one in any color
(fyi the 'dress' selection on BL is pretty costumey for them ost part or too over the top so i'd avoid em) ok this is the only reeeally sweet one i think i could recommend but only in brown. black x white screams costume to everyone, and the pink and sax are too bright imo. I think brown you can pass off as wintery though lol (again, a cardigan helps...)
the fact you are getting a CHOCOLATE themed dress helps too, you can get accessories that match both!
like wise this in brown
could maybe work, or even red, if only those HUGE BOWS weren't there, raisin' questions :? jerky bows. I think in the brown it might be ok.

Edited at 2012-11-12 03:12 am (UTC)
12th-Nov-2012 03:20 am (UTC)
The third to last one you posted I was actually looking into! But then I looked at the sizes, and it wouldn't fit me! //Depression. -.-

Thank you very much for this. It was EXTREMELY useful. And I found some more stuff to add to that ol' Christmas list. I think I'll go with the first one with maybe a red blouse. (Or would that look really bad?)
12th-Nov-2012 03:31 am (UTC)
aaaaw :( what size do you wear? I was gonna mention sorry I can't discriminate by size (normally I shop the larger ones but I wasn't sure what you were)

let me recommend FanPlusFriend:
anything HERE or marked INSTANT SHIPPING item will get to you in the same amount of time generally. anything in the other sections/not marked as instant shipping is made to order and would take too long. Their shipping is more expensive (generally 27-32) but it's also PRETTY FAST: I've gotten stuff in LESS than a week for a monday order. 1.5 normally. about 3-4 if something is special made

Edited at 2012-11-12 03:34 am (UTC)
12th-Nov-2012 01:07 am (UTC)
maybe start off with a casual outfit, and explain to them how much you love the fashion. It's all about modesty and being beautiful so I don't see why anyone should have any issues with you wearing it. At the end of the day YOUR opinion is the one that matters the most. Talk to your mum about how you are feeling and she may be able to give you some advice on how to deal with any rude comments from family members/people in general.
They can't be very nice people if they are willing to put you down for being yourself, especially in such a harmless way - you could easily have chosen to do something which should worry them/cause them to be rude, like joining a gang/doing lots of drugs/going out in just your underwear :)
Ignorant/narrow minded people can be hard to deal with but with the right attitude on your part and some support you will be right as rain.
12th-Nov-2012 02:41 am (UTC)
Yeah, I think I may go order a no pattern dress that is more on the classic side. Though I don't think they would ever really accept an OTT sweet xD Might just have to keep that away from them. There's still a little while till Christmas, so time to start thinking of what I will tell them! Thank you very much. c:
12th-Nov-2012 08:55 am (UTC)
you're very welcome :) being judged by family is much harder to deal with than from people you don't know. I had to deal with it for several years from my dad, it took a long time for me to realise he was (is) a sad bitter horrible person and I should never have listened. I used to dress as a Goth/punk/skater before discovering Decora, and then Lolita but never had the confidence to go all out as I wanted to because of him. I was miserable until I learned to ignore him - it helped that my mum didn't care what I wore as long as I wasn't flashing everything off or wearing any offensive t-shirts, her support was and still is what helped me gain the confidence to try out Ero-Loli just once in the Summer and I loved it :) I'm now moving a bit more towards Gyaru as it's something I can wear everyday with a toddler and no worries about her drawing on my clothes or feeding them xD

Do hold your head up high whatever you wear so you have no regrets and don't lose sight of your identity or your happiness <3
12th-Nov-2012 01:10 am (UTC)
If you are really passionnate about lolita and you really want to wear it around your family you can explain to them that lolita is a passion for you, that it represent you and that's what you want to be. You can explain to them that if they don't like lolita, they don't like you because it represent who you are.

However, if lolita is only clothes and only a hobby for you I would suggest to simply not wear lolita for christmas. It doesn't worth messing family relationships unless you feel that lolita fashion is more important to you than your family.
12th-Nov-2012 01:36 am (UTC)
I am very passionate about it! I've been out in it before, and it makes me feel extremely confident and happy with the way I look! But when I think of being around them I get all nervous.

Once I had tried showing it to my grandma before. There were some dresses that I absolutly loved, and since I was spending the night decided to show her. She had replied, "Where in the world would someone want to wear something like that? It would make a cute costume, but..." And I tried to explain the fashion, but I don't think it really got through to her. o.o;;

I don't necissarilly think it is more important than family, but I do love it a lot and would like them to accept me without making rude remarks. Is anything I could do that with more than just telling them about it, or would it be something that would only possibly happen over time?
12th-Nov-2012 03:42 pm (UTC)
Some people just don't accept the fact that there's people that have different tastes when it comes to clothing of lifestyle choices. They simple assume that if they don't see themselves wearing something or doing something that is out of the norm, nobody on earth should do it and everyone doing it is a weirdo. XD;

According to my personnal experience with my own family: I wear lolita fashion daily since three years now and the family members that didn't accept it at first don't accept it now either.. Maybe yours will accept it over time but close minded people often stay close minded...
12th-Nov-2012 01:12 am (UTC)
It depends on how you feel. It's your family so they have to deal with it if you want to dress a certain way, but yeah, they get to mock you openly. Personally I just hide it. It's just easier.
12th-Nov-2012 01:14 am (UTC)
When in doubt, play it safe. Choosing not to wear something you think your family will disapprove of is not "hiding," it's being respectful and keeping the peace. I'm sure there are other clothing styles that make you happy that they will feel more comfortable with. Unless you're dramatically altering your appearance or personality, wearing something still "in-character" is not "hiding," and if you're just getting into lolita then dressing more normally won't feel like a costume to you. Finally, it might be in your best interest just to keep the peace. If wearing lolita at Christmas is apt to cause conflict between you and your family, you're likely just better off wearing it on your own time.
12th-Nov-2012 01:55 am (UTC)
Yeah, I do not want to cause conflict expecially on a big holiday like this. I just want to wear something I really love on my favorite holiday. Kinda selfish of me I guess. It didn't occur to me until a while after I had placed my orders about how they would judge me. Maybe I'll just put it on Christmas morning, and then change before going over there. There are other times I could wear it around them too.. Like family birthday parties or something.
12th-Nov-2012 01:18 am (UTC)
I would say it's important to explain it them in the right way and as others have said, depending on what style you are wearing it may be different. If you are going for strictly classic you can say it's a Victorian based fashion. Based on your icon though I would say you are more into sweet. I would refrain from using the word lolita for sure. If it comes down to it I would say it's a Japanese based fashion that can be a bit wacky but is about being conservative with style as far as showing skin and modesty.

If they aren't going to like it unfortunately there probably won't be any changing their mind anytime soon but fingers crossed they don't react too bad.
12th-Nov-2012 02:04 am (UTC)
1. Start casual and simple with accessories and build yourself up, easing your new desired appearanceonto your family.

2. Explain how you feel about your new appearance to your family about how much you like it and even if it isn't the norm, it males you really happy.

3. Speaking from experience, negative attitudes and behavior used to belittle you and bully you weather it is intended or not is completely unacceptable! If they persist, be strong and confident, and let that be known. Tell them they are rude and their behavior is unnecessary and atrocious.

I've had my issues with my super rude step Mon all my life. It took till I stood up to her now she keeps her comments to herself and has actually grown to tollerate and accept my clothing of choice. Either way, keep your chin up and don't let anyone discourage you! I'd rather deal with rude people and feel good about myself then put some sort of costume on to blend in and pretend to be something I'm not.

Good luck! If you ever need to talk I'm here! C:
12th-Nov-2012 02:37 am (UTC)
It depends on how your family all dress for the holidays. My family tends to sit around in their pajamas on Christmas, so wearing lolita on Christmas Day would make me stick out like a sore thumb. If the rest of your family is in a t-shirt and jeans, they might make fun of you for being so decked out - not for wearing lolita, but just for being fancy.
12th-Nov-2012 02:55 am (UTC)
You kind of answered your own question ^__^;
You said they'd look down on it. People aren't going to suddenly change opinions, so chances are they'll still look down on it.
If you got someone else in your family to wear lolita tho, they might not talk smack about you much because you're not the only one.

Sigh, some places/'s just not quite right to wear lolita around. I'm sure you want to share your new love with your family and be praised and such, it's a natural human need. Unfortunately it sounds like you won't get anything near praise or acceptance. I'd say start small too.

Btw, not sure if it's possible, but many local communities surely hold holiday meets, perhaps you could check that out and go full loli to that?
12th-Nov-2012 03:08 am (UTC)
Woops! I did? D: I totally didn't notice. How embarassing.. > <; Sorry.
Yeah that's true. I guess it's kind of naive to just think that one day they were just grow to love it if I keep trying.

Erm... How do you find things like that? I've tried looking before to go see if I could maybe meet a few lolitas to help me, but I could never find where to look!

12th-Nov-2012 03:20 am (UTC)
I would try facebook or looking through our memories. We have listings for localized communities, and facebook can help narrow it down as well as likely be more active. If you live within a reasonable distance to metropolitan area, you have a higher chance of finding a big group that plans a big event to really get pumped about dressing up for.
12th-Nov-2012 07:16 am (UTC)
^Yes, definitely just fb, or egl too, but if you have a hard time with those, you can just make an egl post saying you're trying to find your local comm, I'm sure you've seen a couple posts like that here and there.

Just....don't feel discouraged by your fam...I really wish I could wear lolita out whenever, because I feel just like you do when you wear it, but fact is I live in a big city, it's not a safe place, and lolita is attention-grabbing whether you intend to make it that way or not. I no longer wear it out, only to meets. Hopefully you can find a comm for your city or a nearby city and you can attend.

Anyway, best of luck!
12th-Nov-2012 03:54 pm (UTC)
Now now, I was the exact same as you.
At one point my family hated Lolita and I even wore my first dress on Christmas Day against their wishes.
It'll grow on them trust me, as you grow up and learn to polish off your look they'll either learn to deal with it or actually begin to see what you like in it.
I think the sweetest comment I got from my sister when I asked her about how I dress was " do it better then other girls like you" Aww! XD
12th-Nov-2012 03:33 am (UTC)
I generally have a pretty accepting family, so I dont know if I will be much help. My stepdad has sometimes made a few comments about my clothes that upset me, but its generally a misunderstanding (he is german, so sometimes things get lost in translation). Are the comments your family make said in a mean way, or more as a joke? I think there is a difference between making a bad joke thats not taken very well, and being rude. If its just a badly made joke, then you could try and have to confidence to laugh it off :) I think the other thing that goes along with having confidence is also entusiasm. If you bounch up on xmas day in a georgious dress that you love and start telling everyone loudly how pretty you feel and how great your dress is, they might not have the heart to shoot you down with negative comments :) And if they see that you love it, it might help the explaining of why you want to wear lolita. If you can get some people on your side, like your mum, then thats a big help too.
I dont think it is selfish to want to wear what you want on xmas day, or any day for that matter. But i think the other thing to consider is if YOU will feel comfortable. If you look forward to wearing lolita on xmas day, then go for it! But if the idea is filling your with dread and butterflies, and you think you will be nervious and upset on the day, then it might be better to leave the frills at home. Family is hard. Its unlikley you will ever see the strangers who give you odd looks again, but you still have to see your family.
12th-Nov-2012 06:44 am (UTC)
I wore a flowery classic OP to my graduation ceremony and last year I wore AP's black twinkle carnival OP for our complany's New Year party. No petty, no wigs, regular accessories - a lot of Loli dresses would look regular if you dress down.
12th-Nov-2012 07:24 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately some people have trouble understanding that people have all sorts of different tastes, and liking something a little bit different doesn't reflect negatively on you. As you have your mothers backing, I would discuss this with her and let her know that you're worried about what the rest of your family might say to you, then if anything is said she can back you up. Also, if someone in your family says something that you don't like, tell them "I find that very hurtful and offensive, please don't make comments like that to me." I think if you stand by your decision to wear lolita, let them know how passionate you are about it, and don't stand for any comments, they'll soon get used to it.

To me it sounds like they're taking this attitude to you because they want you dressed "normally", so if you wear lolita on Christmas don't let their attitude affect you, just act like you normally do and if you feel they're ignoring you then start conversations and force them to interact with you, and what ever you do don't cave and get changed. They'll quickly get used to the idea and stop trying to bully you out of making your own lifestyle decisions.

My mum used to make comments to me all of the time, but thankfully because I'm an adult I didn't have to take any notice and she just gradually got used to the fashion. You have to remember that it's very different to what most people see everyday so they're most likely to be shocked and say something.
12th-Nov-2012 08:26 pm (UTC)
I am very lucky that both my family and my in-law family are very accepting and supportive of my eccentric ways, so I have blessedly never had to deal with rejection or judgment from them. I occasionally get lighthearted, playful jabs, but all in good fun. Personally, I feel that if this is a fashion that you love then you should dress in it and not worry about what the rest of your family thinks. If they say something judgmental, try to stay calm and simply educate them about the fashion. Maybe say something along the lines of “I understand that you view my style of dress as aberrant, but it makes me feel beautiful and happy. This is how I enjoy dressing. I hope you can accept that and if you can’t well then I am sorry you are having something as frivolous as my fashion sense interfere in what I hope is a lovely relationship.” Stay poised and stay true to your heart.
12th-Nov-2012 11:24 pm (UTC)
I have found that the hardest thing for people accept in the fashion is wearing wigs. I think if you avoid a wig and tone down the coord (keep it simple) then they will have a better response.
13th-Nov-2012 10:06 am (UTC)
I wore lolita around my mom's side of the family for the first time at our Easter gathering one year. They all completely ignored my clothes (even when my mom and I tried to talk about it/ ask them what they thought) and they refused to meet my eyes... it was really childish and quite funny! XD
This page was loaded , : m GMT.