feel free to delete if this is inappropriate for the community, but as a girl loving loli, i'm insanely curious regarding others like myself. are there any other lesbian or bisexual lolitas in this community? i'm also wondering:
-has wearing lolita ever alienated you from other so-called gay communities?/how so or how not
-how do you feel about lolita as such a strongly gendered/girly aesthetic?
-as a follow-up on the last question, does loli give you more gender mobility in some ways? does it ever limit you?
i have so so many more questions, but i'll just see if anyone responds to these first few before asking.
i used to feel really alienated from a lot of lesbian subcultures because of the way i dressed and perceived myself in general. when i first moved to bloomington, i spent a lot of my time hanging out with crusty folk punk and politically active "indie" folks, many of whom would perceive my interest in lolita as overly materialistic/non-progressively gendered/probably a symptom of my weak reliance on the patriarchy...or something like that. people were always bothering me for dressing like i "had money," was "better than everyone else" and most crushingly, they faulted me for "relying on dresses as a form of expression" when my so-called "personality" should speak for itself. for a brief period, i tried to wear pants, stop shaving, nix the make-up, etc. (non of which are bad choices, of course, they just didn't seem to suit me) but i ended up just feeling lame/even more unsure of myself. my identity was always so closely tied to "girliness," for lack of a better term, and i didn't feel comfortable without my pretty dresses.
however, i now see lolita as an interesting way to "perform" a hyperbolically feminine role without necessarily being duped by it (as a lot of my former friends seemed to think i was.) it's ridiculous to pretend that your clothing (regardless of what it might be) doesn't make some kind of political statement about you, so you might as well manipulate the archetype your fashion choices represent...like the way drag queens play with an image that doesn't necessarily represent their "real" selves but allows them--in a sense--to explore a performed self that's a hell of a lot more expressive than anything "real."
now that i'm a bit more comfortable in my own (entirely put-on) skin, i think most sub-cultures i interact with are accordingly more tolerant of my fashion choices. and there are always cute girls to grope the ruffles on my skirts, of course, which is an obvious added perk...